I have a confession to make. My house is a mess. Like all the time. Every day. Even when it looks clean when we have guests, there is a slew of laundry hiding in bags. Somewhere. Like on my bed. Behind a closed door. Cluttered. That’s my house.
But in truth, my house is an outward sign of my cluttered and distracted mind. My brain is always thinking of the past, the future, what I should be doing, what the kids should be doing, what the hubby should be doing, what the neighbor should be doing, sad things, hard things, bad things…you get the gist. And then there are are times when my brain is like a couch potato. It just wants to VEG, like do nothing, like watch Call the Midwife, all of season 2, all in one sitting. I see the mountains of mess and I rebel, I think this is too much, and so I write on my blog; I play a game on my kindle; I watch TV; I hang out on Facebook; I go online shopping. I am so easily distracted.
I have friends that have just as many kids (this is the truth!) and their houses are pristine. And their toenails are nicely manicured. And they exercise every day. I am sure, in fact positive, that they are not perfect but my house is such an outward sign of my personality which means my imperfections are visible for all to see.
But as I write this, I realize that while I have some hidden vices and imperfections that nobody sees, this one is a constant and visible reminder of something I need to work on; a humbling reminder that I most definitely am not perfect. I am not saying I will just accept that “this is the way I am so therefore I cannot change” but it is a humbling expression of my personal lack of character. I cannot hide behind a perfectly clean and organized house. There is a deep drive in me to want others to think I am perfect, that I have no faults. Well, people come into my house quite often, and guess what, I get embarrassed. And that’s good. Because then I work on changing my disorganized and cluttered mind. I try to quiet those meaningless distractions. I write up a schedule and try to stick to it (Haha). But mainly, I am reminded that I cannot change on my own so I take some time to quiet my heart and my soul in prayer. And I ask for help. There are 10 people I can go to for that.